One of those days

Have you experienced being so driven and motivated in creating the life that you want? That you were so passionate about working on all of the things that will propel your inspiration towards materialization? Then, all of a sudden, disappointment and misalignment happened. You are now feeling not your usual self. You now feel that you are lacking, that you need more, that you are not good enough... that you could have done better if only you are more focused, if you are more capable...if only you are enough. You feel that everything you worked hard for in building the future that you want are falling and falling apart. You are now drowned to the thought that you aren’t going to make it after all. That maybe success, happiness, emotional fulfillment and abundance are just meant for privileged people, for the lucky ones. Those people who are meant to be happy in this lifetime. You now question the Divine. You now ask the universe if this is what you are meant to be, that you have been doing so much inner work, that you have been battling your own demons and telling them that you can, that you are able and that you are enough. But again, days like this, you just want to stop and be just nothing. You just want to stop and just be tired...because you are. You just want to succumb to nothingness because you feel that you can’t. You just pour your heart out to the universe and start to enumerate all the inner work you have been doing and trying to sustain for a while now. Fighting negativity is not an easy task especially in a world where many have already gave up on fighting. You feel that you have not been rewarded after all the hard work you have been putting on. Life is not fair. There are people who have more than what what you have and yet they do not even have to exert as much effort as you do. They have a lovely house, a car, a job that pays well and they have a partner who loves them dearly and they love as well. They look perfect.

So, God? Where are You all along? In days like this, when I have nothing? When I am in my most vulnerable? Why do I feel like I should not question You? Why do I feel like there’s a lump in my throat for talking to You like this? Why do I feel like I am saying things that I do not mean? Why do I feel that deep down inside me, I feel otherwise? That every time I try to accuse You of not being there for me, I know that You are, that despite of all the doubts I have, I know that whatever I am feeling aren’t real? Why do I feel that every moment I cry and feel I am not good enough, that I am a nobody, that I have nothing, there is something telling me that I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH, that I have the whole universe inside me, that I am limitless and that I am empowered. Why do I feel like in my most weakest moment is when I am strongest? Why do I feel like every time I ask all these questions, I know in my heart that the answers are within? I know I can’t stay this way. But for now, even for now, let me live in the moment...seeing this part of me, living with this part of me...

Just loving this part of me.